don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize