Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
