I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
