Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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