Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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