this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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