everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
