I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
