you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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