OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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