...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
