It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
