I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
