i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
