woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
