Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
