He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
