I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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