I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
where are my eyebrows?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
