I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
