he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
