happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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