Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
