Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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