Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
