U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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