i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
