i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
