K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
