Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize