I love black thongs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
