i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
