Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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