matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize