watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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