The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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