her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
