I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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