dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
