I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
