This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
