I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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