Whod you bang
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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