puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
