Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
