yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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