It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
