my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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