guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
