Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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