you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
