Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
