the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
