so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
