i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
