Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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