When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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