Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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