you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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