Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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