He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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