In the future we'll all be gay
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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