I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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