you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
