Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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