Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
