just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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