I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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