I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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