i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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