I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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