Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
