I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
