I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
