Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
